Coming Out Ep.5: Coming Out to Family

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Aaaand, it's the one we've all been dreading. Well, only me... for the longest time.

I, a week before Easter break started (8th?), decided that I was going to come out, at least to my mum, at the end of my stay. This way they had time to process while I was at uni for another month, ready for the summer, when they had accepted it. I was hoping, anyway.


Coming Out to My Brothers

Firstly, as a joke, I came out to my brothers in our group chat, on National Coming Out Day (Thursday, 11th October). It took a while for one of my brothers to read it... like a week, so the reactions were slightly delayed, you could say.

My brother, Kyle, who you can follow on Instagram here, told me that "I always had my suspicions but I didn't really care to be honest, it's whatever, you know, do whatever makes you happy and it's good you felt comfortable to come out."

What a lad.


Coming Out to My Mum

Okay, so when it came to my mum, my fear wasn't a bad reaction, per say, but a fear of change between us. I didn't know what would change but it's different, my secret life was out there in the moment. As I write this, it's the afternoon after I came out to her.

I'd been trying to come out since Saturday (the day I did it was Monday night, ironically it's a religious holiday). However, the sun decided to pop its head out so we were never alone, family coming over for barbecues, play badminton, go to the beach; so it was hard to sit her down long enough to be alone and gear myself up to say it.

To just say it, those words, was a whole other task.

It took me till Monday night. I was in her room before we went off to bed, saying goodnight and what not, and then, just as I was getting ready to say it, she kicked me out to go to sleep. I then told my friends I chickened out, but I thought "fuck it, get it over with and go the fuck to sleep." So I went back, stalled a bit and started:

"I need to let you know something."

She proceeded to be like, "oh God," and asked what was wrong and seemed grumpy she'd have to get out of bed. I quickly stopped her and stammered over the words I'd never said out loud to her before: "I'm gay."

Saying it felt muffled, like a fog had suddenly appeared. I don't recall hearing the words actually come out of my mouth. It's quite weird how that part feels like I didn't actually do it; like it was a dream.

She proceeded to ask if I was sure, how she knew (I don't know how to answer that even given time to mull that one over), and if I'd had any "lesbian encounters", and how lesbians have sex. I let her know it was probably best she leave those questions to Google rather than ask her daughter.

Then she told me it makes no difference. Me being gay means things are all the same. She said I'd hinted a lot at Christmas, and even spoke to Kyle about it, and he'd say "it's kind of obvious."

So, really, she'd already processed it. Even told my dad "Zoe thinks she's gay."

To be honest, only things my mum wants is that I don't go butch (to which I pointed out that I have dressed the way I dress, why would I immediately do that now?) and that I still have kids one day (apparently the prospect of me not havings kids is too terrifying a reality now that it can't happen by accident).

I think the only message I can give to anyone struggling to come out is that, you've always been gay so it's not a huge surprise, it's a confirmation. They must have seen some signs, don't hide it too much, let them process with you and then it's a "just so you know" business at the end. We  awkwardly laughed about it and went to bed, with her not knowing what else to say and settling on a "well done."

The next day she'd been at work all day, and came home to tell me she loves me no matter what. Needless to say nothing seemed to really change, we had a cup of tea and watched Say Yes to The Dress and got angry over brudgets like usual.

That concludes the Coming Out series for now, and thank god 'cos I was running out of rainbow pictures and special effects. Also I need some gay-ass pictures of myself for these things, but, hey, you've seem my graphic skills develop so there's that.

That was a good chunk of text, well done, buddy, you made it to the end.